Prayer, Faith, and Parenting: Finding Hope and Strength with Rudy Chavarria

100:00:01,160 --> 00:00:02,290Mr Jesse L Hammonds: Welcometo the healthy, wealthy,200:00:02,290 --> 00:00:03,790and wise podcast with Dr.300:00:03,790 --> 00:00:04,399William T.400:00:04,399 --> 00:00:05,090Choctaw, MD,500:00:05,149 --> 00:00:07,180Dr. William T Choctaw:JD, where the doctor600:00:07,180 --> 00:00:10,199Mr Jesse L Hammonds: helps you unlockyour full potential by equipping you700:00:10,220 --> 00:00:15,309with tools and knowledge in the areas ofhealth, wealth, and wisdom anchored in800:00:15,310 --> 00:00:19,700his experience as a business executive,a physician, the surveyor for the joint900:00:19,700 --> 00:00:25,340commission, a former mayor, and over 50years of experience as a general surgeon,1000:00:25,770 --> 00:00:27,970you've got questions, he's got answers.1100:00:28,380 --> 00:00:29,270So let's get started.1200:00:30,480 --> 00:00:30,520Dr.1300:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,070William T.1400:00:31,100 --> 00:00:32,150Choctaw, M.1500:00:32,150 --> 00:00:33,060Dr. William T Choctaw: D., J.1600:00:33,060 --> 00:00:33,500D.1700:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,860Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, againto the Health, Wealth Wise podcast.1800:00:37,900 --> 00:00:42,340We're absolutely delighted,absolutely delighted to have a1900:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,959very special guest with us, Mr.2000:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,140Rudy Chavarria.2100:00:46,809 --> 00:00:51,980Mr Rudy: You, you, you, you brought upa key point in your life that, you know,2200:00:51,980 --> 00:00:56,699was the aha moment that you, you know,you had said that you weren't walking2300:00:56,699 --> 00:01:01,209the walk, you, you knew at that pointyou needed to start getting good grades.2400:01:01,945 --> 00:01:05,655And I'm going to bring that intoanother thing of, of young, of2500:01:05,655 --> 00:01:10,255young parents or parenting or ingeneral is what do they call them?2600:01:10,475 --> 00:01:13,774Bulldozer parents helicopter parents.2700:01:14,445 --> 00:01:19,035And you brought up a, that you were inyour second foster home, you were angry.2800:01:20,175 --> 00:01:24,725So my point is, is to not letyour, do not shelter your child.2900:01:25,735 --> 00:01:29,185Because the more you shelter your childin your own words, we don't want them to3000:01:29,185 --> 00:01:30,905be embarrassed by all the other students.3100:01:31,435 --> 00:01:36,235But by, by that type of interactionwhere, and I believe this, that3200:01:36,385 --> 00:01:39,535seeing our son grow up, thatyeah, he needs to be embarrassed.3300:01:40,195 --> 00:01:43,435He was in piano lesson yesterday,and the piano lesson teacher3400:01:43,435 --> 00:01:49,885actually, she, Russian, really, youknow, and she, she laid into him.3500:01:50,115 --> 00:01:50,315Huh.3600:01:50,575 --> 00:01:53,505And and I, and my wife's like, oh,she got mad, and I'm like, good.3700:01:53,790 --> 00:01:59,650Let her get mad at him formommy and daddy in the world.3800:02:00,920 --> 00:02:05,600And so I think, again, can you,can you maybe run with that?3900:02:05,770 --> 00:02:09,300What I'm saying is that youneeded to be embarrassed.4000:02:10,110 --> 00:02:13,300As opposed to anotherparent who shelters you.4100:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,700Who is sheltered?4200:02:14,700 --> 00:02:17,060Can you elaborate maybe on that?4300:02:18,110 --> 00:02:18,710Dr. William T Choctaw: Absolutely.4400:02:18,710 --> 00:02:22,970I can tell you what my philosophywas when my kids were young.4500:02:23,370 --> 00:02:26,970And say in middle schooland just coming up.4600:02:27,500 --> 00:02:29,860I had the opportunity toput them in private school.4700:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,880Where they would wear, and there's nothingwrong with private school, where they4800:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,650would wear the uniform and blah blah blah.4900:02:35,765 --> 00:02:40,425But my philosophy was, you know, I,I went to public school and I felt5000:02:41,035 --> 00:02:44,834rightfully or wrongly, but I feltit was important that they be I'm5100:02:44,914 --> 00:02:49,494accustomed to living in the real world,you know, real world with real people.5200:02:49,664 --> 00:02:53,114And that's not always easy, you know,and everybody doesn't understand5300:02:53,114 --> 00:02:56,094you and everybody's not like you andthey don't look like you and act like5400:02:56,094 --> 00:02:57,784you or whatever, but that's life.5500:02:57,844 --> 00:03:03,714And so I felt that it was importantthat, that they learn life early,5600:03:03,864 --> 00:03:06,934that as a parent, I would be thereto help them, you know, when they got5700:03:06,934 --> 00:03:09,744off track or, or got hurt or whatever.5800:03:09,744 --> 00:03:13,634So no, they'll know this, this means thatto help to interpret it for me, for them.5900:03:13,914 --> 00:03:18,284But, but for them to experience it becausethey will learn, you know, all kids I6000:03:18,304 --> 00:03:20,474think are inherently smart and they adapt.6100:03:20,474 --> 00:03:21,404I mean, that's life.6200:03:21,424 --> 00:03:22,864That's how kids learn how to walk.6300:03:22,894 --> 00:03:26,094They, they get up and they wobble alittle bit and then they fall and they6400:03:26,094 --> 00:03:28,994get up and they wobble a little bitmore and they fall and then pretty soon6500:03:29,014 --> 00:03:30,674they don't wobble as much, you know.6600:03:30,934 --> 00:03:34,324So, I think the brain is prettysimilar to that, you know and this6700:03:34,324 --> 00:03:38,534is all like in that pre quartal Thefrontal part of the brain, the, the6800:03:38,534 --> 00:03:42,874emotion part of the brain, the amygdalais, is also the same thing that our6900:03:42,924 --> 00:03:44,904emotions have to develop and grow.7000:03:45,184 --> 00:03:50,904Disappointment, anger, sadness, happiness,all of those things have to grow also.7100:03:51,224 --> 00:03:54,694And it's really important in thesense that they're at different7200:03:54,694 --> 00:03:56,364stages at different ages.7300:03:56,659 --> 00:04:00,839That a 15, a 10 year old is notgoing to understand like an 187400:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,529year old or 17 year old what to do.7500:04:02,559 --> 00:04:06,209They're 10 years old and their brainis not just there and they're going to7600:04:06,209 --> 00:04:10,719make some silly mistakes that, you know,maybe that 14 year old wouldn't make7700:04:10,899 --> 00:04:12,559because they aren't 14 years of age.7800:04:12,819 --> 00:04:17,569And so we parents have to be patient,if you will, we can still be protected.7900:04:17,599 --> 00:04:22,649We can still be supportive and we, andmost importantly is loving, you know, and8000:04:22,649 --> 00:04:27,049if I had to summarize it, not to soundtoo too basic, but, but it really is8100:04:27,049 --> 00:04:31,339a matter of love, you know, I love youand it's okay, you know, and, and we,8200:04:31,339 --> 00:04:35,959we will get through this and blah, blah,blah, because as long as the child knows8300:04:35,959 --> 00:04:40,439that they have that security blanket, ifyou will, then, then there'll be okay.8400:04:40,489 --> 00:04:45,044I, I once, I remember one time One, oneof one of my grandkids when they were8500:04:45,044 --> 00:04:49,164born, and, and Lorena, my wife and I,we were so concerned about this and8600:04:49,164 --> 00:04:52,614that and whatever, whatever, and said,oh, is, is she talking soon enough?8700:04:52,614 --> 00:04:53,514Or whatever, whatever.8800:04:53,519 --> 00:04:58,164We, typical grandparents, and we talkedto one of our daughter-in-laws who was8900:04:58,164 --> 00:05:03,024actually in child education, and, andI never forget what she said, she said.9000:05:03,929 --> 00:05:09,759Every, every child, if there's one stableadult in that child's life, doesn't9100:05:09,759 --> 00:05:12,429matter who it is, that child will be okay.9200:05:12,589 --> 00:05:16,469And I never forgot that it could beparent, grandparent, uncle, aunt,9300:05:16,569 --> 00:05:20,379I don't know, next door neighbor,whatever, teacher, one stable adult.9400:05:20,769 --> 00:05:24,639And, and, and so what she did wasshe sort of made us feel better9500:05:24,639 --> 00:05:29,959about the anxiety of, of parenting,you know, grandparenting in this,9600:05:29,979 --> 00:05:32,359in this case that the kids do okay.9700:05:32,604 --> 00:05:36,624They really do okay, that God hasa plan, and he sort of worked all9800:05:36,624 --> 00:05:40,714that stuff out, and all we need todo is just be supportive and loving,9900:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,814and the kids will basically be okay.10000:05:43,444 --> 00:05:47,954Mr Rudy: You know, you bring up a goodpoint, and that, that is that children10100:05:48,844 --> 00:05:53,964have to be told, as opposed to when ateenager or somebody who just gets to10200:05:53,964 --> 00:05:56,854college, they don't have to be told.10300:05:57,659 --> 00:06:03,379And, and I, I, when I, when my wifeand I are disciplining our son,10400:06:03,389 --> 00:06:08,859sometimes I say in this situation,he has to be told how to think.10500:06:09,239 --> 00:06:11,699He has to be told how to feel.10600:06:11,919 --> 00:06:12,139Yes.10700:06:12,759 --> 00:06:13,359He doesn't10800:06:13,369 --> 00:06:14,009Dr. William T Choctaw: know.10900:06:14,009 --> 00:06:14,439It's new.11000:06:14,589 --> 00:06:15,479It's new for him.11100:06:15,609 --> 00:06:16,354Mr Rudy: It's new for him.11200:06:17,084 --> 00:06:20,924And, and so when you said we have tolearn how to be patient, I'm, we're11300:06:20,924 --> 00:06:26,214always praying for patience because wethink we're taught, and I've told my11400:06:26,214 --> 00:06:30,914wife too, and I tell her, remind me ifI'm doing this, say you talk to him like11500:06:30,914 --> 00:06:33,514he's an adult or I'm like, yes, I do.11600:06:34,384 --> 00:06:37,644Because he needs to, he'slearning now to understand things.11700:06:37,644 --> 00:06:44,404And so when he does things like anaward or does something around the house11800:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,004or, and I always say to him, good man.11900:06:46,589 --> 00:06:46,959Yes,12000:06:47,389 --> 00:06:48,269Dr. William T Choctaw: yes, that's good.12100:06:48,289 --> 00:06:48,489That's12200:06:48,489 --> 00:06:48,969Mr Rudy: important.12300:06:48,989 --> 00:06:51,029Don't say good boy, right?12400:06:51,109 --> 00:06:53,629Well, I will, but but forthe most part, say good man.12500:06:54,224 --> 00:06:56,064And when he asked mesomething, I said, yes, sir.12600:06:56,474 --> 00:06:59,134What do you, what doyou, he said, no, yes,12700:06:59,134 --> 00:06:59,374Dr. William T Choctaw: sir.12800:07:00,474 --> 00:07:05,724One of the things I learned along thoselines that it's important for me when12900:07:05,724 --> 00:07:11,534I make a mistake as a parent, whenI screw up to apologize to my kid.13000:07:11,734 --> 00:07:14,124And this is, and I'm thinking,I'll make this real quick.13100:07:14,124 --> 00:07:17,404I I, we go to church, and Iwould have a thing many years13200:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,664ago when my kids were teenagers.13300:07:19,949 --> 00:07:22,939The boys about, you know, youwear church clothes, you wear13400:07:22,939 --> 00:07:24,359a tie and whatever, whatever.13500:07:24,619 --> 00:07:27,199Well, they just felt wearinga tie to church was silly.13600:07:27,429 --> 00:07:29,759They said, you know, I'm,I'm neat and I'm clean.13700:07:29,759 --> 00:07:31,009And why do I have to wear a tie?13800:07:31,049 --> 00:07:35,599Well, you know, we wore ties back in the,in the fifties and the sixties when I was13900:07:35,799 --> 00:07:38,269in Nashville, but I'm in California now.14000:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,399And so I went on and on and on.14100:07:40,419 --> 00:07:46,289And then at some point, thank God, thelight bulb came on and it said, you know,14200:07:46,439 --> 00:07:48,229what's the most important thing here?14300:07:48,539 --> 00:07:51,479Is it that they were a tieor that they go to church?14400:07:52,029 --> 00:07:55,459So I said, okay, it's probablythat they go to church.14500:07:55,719 --> 00:07:59,709So I, I, I intentionally wentback to them and apologized.14600:07:59,854 --> 00:08:05,734I apologize, and I'm sort of anauthoritative type father, but I thought14700:08:05,734 --> 00:08:07,544it important to apologize to them.14800:08:07,544 --> 00:08:10,954Number one, to say, I canscrew up too, number one.14900:08:11,134 --> 00:08:14,554Number two, I respect youenough to say, you know what?15000:08:14,834 --> 00:08:16,094Daddy made a mistake.15100:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,879You know, shouldn't have done that.15200:08:17,879 --> 00:08:19,769Shouldn't have said thatwhatever the words are.15300:08:20,239 --> 00:08:24,479And, and I think that's another wayof showing love that, that perfection15400:08:24,479 --> 00:08:26,419is not a requirement in life.15500:08:26,779 --> 00:08:28,009None of us is perfect.15600:08:28,539 --> 00:08:31,639And, and so I know you're goingto make mistakes and you're15700:08:31,639 --> 00:08:32,609going to stumble and fall.15800:08:32,619 --> 00:08:35,529That's why your dad is here andyour mom are here because we're15900:08:35,529 --> 00:08:36,899going to pick you up and help you.16000:08:37,229 --> 00:08:40,839But when we, we make mistakestoo, and that's okay.16100:08:40,869 --> 00:08:42,599You, you, you get past that.16200:08:42,879 --> 00:08:44,529And so I, that was an aha moment.16300:08:44,619 --> 00:08:45,649for me as a parent.16400:08:46,149 --> 00:08:51,159Mr Rudy: Yeah you know, I just hada moment where as a parent where16500:08:51,159 --> 00:08:53,089my son actually got mad at me.16600:08:54,099 --> 00:09:00,779Called me cruel because of thenew puppy and he had, he had peed16700:09:00,779 --> 00:09:02,319in the house for the third time.16800:09:02,699 --> 00:09:03,159Okay.16900:09:06,719 --> 00:09:08,509Dr. William T Choctaw: I canimagine what that's like.17000:09:10,199 --> 00:09:16,329Mr Rudy: I'm like, giveme my anger, go away.17100:09:19,479 --> 00:09:24,104And so So what happened in this particularincident, and I'll get to the point where17200:09:24,104 --> 00:09:30,414he, he literally stood up and he yelledat me and he said, you're a cruel person.17300:09:31,014 --> 00:09:31,604Yes.17400:09:31,664 --> 00:09:34,654And, and it was becauseI picked up the dog.17500:09:35,174 --> 00:09:38,774And then I, I put him out inthe garage and then I got some17600:09:39,114 --> 00:09:40,514getting all the towels ready.17700:09:42,264 --> 00:09:45,084And our son was sitting on thecouch and we have been going17800:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,144through this phase where we ask him.17900:09:47,944 --> 00:09:50,234Phoenix turn the TV off, it'stime to start your homework.18000:09:50,464 --> 00:09:51,524Okay, just a minute.18100:09:52,544 --> 00:09:52,834Right.18200:09:53,234 --> 00:09:54,314Just a minute, face.18300:09:54,674 --> 00:09:56,284And then so I'm cleaning up.18400:09:56,894 --> 00:10:01,714I open the door to go let, throw awaythe, the paper towels that are wet.18500:10:02,354 --> 00:10:06,304And when I open the door, the, the dog,he's a dog town, which is the small18600:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,754mini wiener dogs with a lot of hair.18700:10:08,324 --> 00:10:09,064Yes, yes.18800:10:09,244 --> 00:10:11,504The door hits him on thenose and the dog yelped.18900:10:12,734 --> 00:10:15,194And, and of course, Ididn't mean to do that.19000:10:15,654 --> 00:10:19,474And so when I come back, I pick him up,I come back in, and that's when I walk19100:10:19,474 --> 00:10:23,574into the living room and Phoenix standsup and he says, you, and he takes these19200:10:23,574 --> 00:10:29,814papers and he's ripping them are a cruelhuman being and he throws the pillows.19300:10:30,224 --> 00:10:32,284And I'm standing there, and I'm in shock.19400:10:33,884 --> 00:10:34,644How old is he?19500:10:34,944 --> 00:10:35,734How old is he?19600:10:35,734 --> 00:10:39,074He just turned eight in November, andmy wife is standing there in shock.19700:10:39,804 --> 00:10:44,244And I'm like, Oh myGod, take me now, Lord.19800:10:44,245 --> 00:10:45,514I'm a horrible man.19900:10:45,515 --> 00:10:49,264Meanwhile, the dog's licking my arms.20000:10:50,694 --> 00:10:52,014The dog has forgiven you.20100:10:52,834 --> 00:10:57,424And I stood there for a second, andI had to finally get my composure.20200:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,359And then I said Wait a minute.20300:11:00,309 --> 00:11:01,689I said, hold on.20400:11:02,419 --> 00:11:08,729I said, first of all, I did not hurt,his name is Bruno, I did not hurt Bruno.20500:11:08,799 --> 00:11:12,699The door, when it opened, it hit himin the nose and that's what you heard.20600:11:13,259 --> 00:11:17,639And I said, and secondly, and I totallyfelt like I was talking to an adult.20700:11:18,349 --> 00:11:26,129And I said, and secondly, may I remind youthat I asked you to turn off the TV and20800:11:27,389 --> 00:11:31,309Bruno was walking back and forth to onedoor, to the other door to get let out.20900:11:31,709 --> 00:11:32,149Right.21000:11:32,439 --> 00:11:35,699I said, and at the time I told him,let me lay down for five minutes.21100:11:35,699 --> 00:11:37,889I just need to close my forfive minutes before we start our21200:11:37,889 --> 00:11:40,199homework and, and, or, or something.21300:11:40,639 --> 00:11:43,989And I'm, and I'm meanwhile, I'mstill holding Bruno and I said, and21400:11:43,989 --> 00:11:47,709you saw Bruno going back and forth.21500:11:48,039 --> 00:11:51,629You acknowledged him going backand forth, but you sat there on the21600:11:51,629 --> 00:11:54,289couch and you watched your TV show.21700:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,169And I said, you could have easily.21800:11:57,564 --> 00:12:04,354I've been responsible to hit pause, getoff the couch, go let Bruno out, and21900:12:04,354 --> 00:12:06,744then I wouldn't be cleaning up his pee.22000:12:07,414 --> 00:12:07,634Right.22100:12:07,834 --> 00:12:11,804So I accept the fact that you'regetting mad at me, but you also have22200:12:11,804 --> 00:12:13,434to accept the fact that you were partly22300:12:13,434 --> 00:12:14,264Dr. William T Choctaw:responsible for this.22400:12:14,344 --> 00:12:14,714Right.22500:12:14,754 --> 00:12:16,074He has some responsibility.22600:12:16,194 --> 00:12:16,544Yeah.22700:12:16,574 --> 00:12:19,454Mr Rudy: And I said, because you sawhim wanting to go to the bathroom.22800:12:20,324 --> 00:12:22,799And then he just stoodthere or just, you know.22900:12:23,079 --> 00:12:27,509And I said, so you need to sit up andnow you're going to go do your homework.23000:12:28,029 --> 00:12:30,459And I, and my wife was like, howare you going to handle this guy?23100:12:30,459 --> 00:12:32,969I could see that look in hisface, like, oh my God, he23200:12:32,969 --> 00:12:34,299called you a cruel human being.23300:12:34,889 --> 00:12:36,669And then I felt better about myself.23400:12:36,669 --> 00:12:38,499Like, okay, I'm not that bad.23500:12:38,689 --> 00:12:38,949You23600:12:38,949 --> 00:12:39,889Dr. William T Choctaw: held it together.23700:12:39,929 --> 00:12:40,939You held it together.23800:12:41,749 --> 00:12:42,289For the23900:12:42,289 --> 00:12:44,579Mr Rudy: rest of the day,my stomach was a knot.24000:12:45,959 --> 00:12:48,599I kept thinking about, myson called me a cool man.24100:12:49,549 --> 00:12:51,239It's called parenting, that's okay.24200:12:51,239 --> 00:12:53,849When I was 14, he calls me something else.24300:12:55,229 --> 00:12:57,819But I want to, I want to ask yousince we're talking about, Yes.24400:12:58,239 --> 00:13:02,189And I had said children need tobe told how to feel, need to be24500:13:02,289 --> 00:13:06,179told what to think when they'rechildren, so they can understand it.24600:13:06,399 --> 00:13:11,609But I find that now college students, alot of college students even feel the same24700:13:11,609 --> 00:13:16,019way, or I get that vibe from them, exceptthat they're older and they're in college.24800:13:16,319 --> 00:13:19,519They don't know how to open up aboutit, but once you throw, throw out24900:13:19,519 --> 00:13:22,639there on the table, like, okay,everybody, my cards are on the table.25000:13:23,794 --> 00:13:28,254And I start telling the stories thateverybody jumps in and do you, do25100:13:28,254 --> 00:13:32,194you, do you agree that it's the same,it's the same type of approach that25200:13:32,194 --> 00:13:34,014college students also need to be told?25300:13:34,594 --> 00:13:34,754Well,25400:13:34,754 --> 00:13:37,534Dr. William T Choctaw: you know, Ithink I would modify the be told.25500:13:37,534 --> 00:13:42,074I think they need to be told initially,particularly when it's their first time.25600:13:42,389 --> 00:13:46,429You know, and, and I think, I thinklike, like your son, he's never had25700:13:46,429 --> 00:13:48,319a dog before that's peed on him.25800:13:48,599 --> 00:13:49,959So this is a new experience for him.25900:13:49,979 --> 00:13:52,919He's learned about thatnow, I guarantee you.26000:13:53,309 --> 00:13:56,629So he doesn't, so he doesn'thave to be told every time.26100:13:56,959 --> 00:14:00,979So I think it's okay for them tobe told initially, but then I think26200:14:00,979 --> 00:14:02,319you want to have a discussion.26300:14:02,319 --> 00:14:03,239Well, what do you think?26400:14:03,459 --> 00:14:06,899Did, did, does that make sense whatI just said to you or does not make,26500:14:07,089 --> 00:14:10,859you want to engage them becauseyou're trying to see where they are.26600:14:11,089 --> 00:14:11,399And I.26700:14:11,479 --> 00:14:14,249And I think a lot of times, ifthey're comfortable, they will engage.26800:14:14,249 --> 00:14:16,539If they're not comfortable,they won't engage.26900:14:16,539 --> 00:14:21,689But I think the goal is to ultimately getthem to engage because what you want is27000:14:21,989 --> 00:14:26,369for them to come up with the solutionsthemselves and not wait on mom or dad27100:14:26,369 --> 00:14:28,869or teacher to tell them what to do.27200:14:29,109 --> 00:14:34,569A lot of times, those students who, whoget to college and don't know is they27300:14:34,859 --> 00:14:38,679They really don't know because they'vebeen told everything and they've never27400:14:38,679 --> 00:14:40,799been given the opportunity to fail.27500:14:41,099 --> 00:14:44,079They haven't been given theopportunity to try something and27600:14:44,079 --> 00:14:48,199have it not work and then figure outwhat it means when it doesn't work.27700:14:48,469 --> 00:14:52,119Or if they've made mistakes,they've been so brutalized that27800:14:52,119 --> 00:14:53,849they say, I'll never try again.27900:14:53,849 --> 00:14:57,369I'll just, I'll just stay backand follow the crowd and I'll28000:14:57,369 --> 00:14:58,909just do what everybody else does.28100:14:58,909 --> 00:15:01,189I'm not going to put myselfout there and get hurt again.28200:15:01,489 --> 00:15:02,719You, you want them.28300:15:02,909 --> 00:15:08,909To blossom, you want them to takereasonable risk with things and not rely28400:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,979on anybody just telling them everything.28500:15:11,199 --> 00:15:14,799But certainly you want to have aconversation, you know, but I would28600:15:14,799 --> 00:15:16,259start off with what do you think?28700:15:16,479 --> 00:15:19,469You know, I said this, doesthat make sense to you or you28800:15:19,479 --> 00:15:20,559think that's a better way?28900:15:20,829 --> 00:15:25,609So you're constantly trying to getthem to tell you what they should do.29000:15:25,909 --> 00:15:27,089And then pretty soon.29100:15:27,369 --> 00:15:29,909You know, it gets to the pointwhere you said, okay, I think29200:15:29,909 --> 00:15:31,029they're, they're, they're ready.29300:15:31,029 --> 00:15:35,569Now I can step back and it'slike driving a car pretty soon.29400:15:35,589 --> 00:15:36,819They, they get it right.29500:15:36,819 --> 00:15:41,189And then they don't go from, you know,side, sidewalk to sidewalk type thing.29600:15:41,979 --> 00:15:42,709That's the process.29700:15:42,929 --> 00:15:44,579And every, everybody's different.29800:15:44,579 --> 00:15:45,689And here's the other kicker.29900:15:45,949 --> 00:15:47,659Boys are different from girls.30000:15:48,194 --> 00:15:49,914Boys are different from girls.30100:15:50,224 --> 00:15:51,854I say this all the time.30200:15:52,214 --> 00:15:56,204In particular, one of my frustrations,and this is when I was practicing,30300:15:56,454 --> 00:16:00,274is a patient would come in forwhatever surgical reason, but30400:16:00,274 --> 00:16:01,434they would just start talking.30500:16:01,814 --> 00:16:07,114And they would talk about their son,who's in middle school, and the teacher30600:16:07,114 --> 00:16:10,314can't control him because he's alwaystalking and is this and is that.30700:16:10,604 --> 00:16:14,819And the teacher said that he's,It's a hyperactive and whatever30800:16:14,819 --> 00:16:20,639I hear that term, my ADHD andthey want to put them on Ritalin.30900:16:20,669 --> 00:16:25,489They want to put them on medication,and I give my basic speech about that.31000:16:25,489 --> 00:16:29,039I said, number one, testosteroneis different from estrogen.31100:16:29,459 --> 00:16:30,959It's not like it's right or wrong.31200:16:30,969 --> 00:16:31,869It's just different.31300:16:32,099 --> 00:16:34,419You know, that wholewas Mars, Venus thing.31400:16:34,429 --> 00:16:35,369That is true.31500:16:35,859 --> 00:16:39,279And it just means that you'vegot to use different skills.31600:16:39,829 --> 00:16:42,029with boys than you'regoing to use with girls.31700:16:42,249 --> 00:16:46,889We know that in, in elementaryschool, girls have many times can31800:16:46,889 --> 00:16:51,339be much more advanced in terms oflanguage and English and articulation31900:16:51,339 --> 00:16:52,779and expressing themselves.32000:16:53,169 --> 00:16:55,969Boys develop a littlelater sometimes with that.32100:16:56,289 --> 00:16:58,179Girls may grow taller.32200:16:58,179 --> 00:16:59,349Boars grow.32300:17:02,179 --> 00:17:06,829So part of it is just recognizing thatboys and girls are different and not32400:17:06,839 --> 00:17:09,219try to put one into the other's thing.32500:17:10,109 --> 00:17:11,549And there's this excellent literature.32600:17:11,919 --> 00:17:15,689I'm one of those people and youmentioned AI or the computer.32700:17:15,879 --> 00:17:18,329I'm one of those people whothinks parents should embrace AI.32800:17:19,689 --> 00:17:22,039You don't have to be experts onit, but you need to learn it.32900:17:22,279 --> 00:17:23,529You need to know what it can do.33000:17:23,904 --> 00:17:27,874And, and those are basic AI typesof questions that don't get into33100:17:28,244 --> 00:17:30,034difficulty that you could ask.33200:17:30,314 --> 00:17:33,564What's the difference betweenboys and girls at age nine?33300:17:33,934 --> 00:17:37,324Yeah, I can tell you that because it'sjust basic facts, you know, has nothing to33400:17:37,324 --> 00:17:40,124do with feelings or emotions or opinions.33500:17:40,994 --> 00:17:44,694But they are different and, and,and recognize that difference.33600:17:45,884 --> 00:17:46,344Got it.33700:17:48,144 --> 00:17:48,704Mr Rudy: Wow.33800:17:48,874 --> 00:17:50,164Yeah, that's yeah.33900:17:50,474 --> 00:17:51,334And, and you know what?34000:17:51,534 --> 00:17:54,944That's one of the things thatwhen our son, who's our only34100:17:54,954 --> 00:18:00,534child boy is hanging around hiscousins, two cousins to our girls.34200:18:00,754 --> 00:18:00,844Okay.34300:18:01,584 --> 00:18:06,924I've been, I've been really tryingto, and we're doing that now.34400:18:06,984 --> 00:18:09,544We're making sure Phoenix goesaround, hangs around with some34500:18:09,544 --> 00:18:10,934of his friends that are boys.34600:18:11,264 --> 00:18:14,644And unfortunately our songravitates towards the bad boys.34700:18:14,700 --> 00:18:14,944Huh.34800:18:14,944 --> 00:18:15,189Huh.34900:18:15,190 --> 00:18:18,780Now he's starting to realize that,okay, these boys get me into trouble.35000:18:19,570 --> 00:18:19,590Huh.35100:18:19,590 --> 00:18:24,190And so now we are, we as parentsare now moving forward to have like35200:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,520date nights we go to the movies withsome of the boys and their parents.35300:18:27,740 --> 00:18:27,960Okay.35400:18:28,930 --> 00:18:31,440And so yeah, we're, we're making that.35500:18:32,020 --> 00:18:33,000That transition.35600:18:33,000 --> 00:18:37,780So this way, he's not just aroundbecause when he is around his cousins,35700:18:37,830 --> 00:18:38,810his two cousins that are girls.35800:18:39,330 --> 00:18:42,080Yes, he plays with them rough35900:18:44,830 --> 00:18:45,760Dr. William T Choctaw: because he's a boy.36000:18:46,450 --> 00:18:49,240Mr Rudy: Yeah, I say we haveto get him around other boys.36100:18:49,670 --> 00:18:49,910Right.36200:18:49,910 --> 00:18:52,840If you start playing rough with him,hey, it's part of the territory, dude.36300:18:53,320 --> 00:18:53,930Don't complain.36400:18:54,040 --> 00:18:54,380You do that.36500:18:54,390 --> 00:18:55,040Dr. William T Choctaw: Exactly.36600:18:55,330 --> 00:18:55,930Exactly.36700:18:55,980 --> 00:18:56,670Exactly.36800:18:57,850 --> 00:19:03,380There is no easy answer to any ofthis, you know, and we all fumble our36900:19:03,380 --> 00:19:07,590way through it, but the good news is,number one, God is in charge, and number37000:19:07,590 --> 00:19:10,170two, most, most of the kids do well.37100:19:10,230 --> 00:19:14,260I mean, in spite of the parents, youknow, and in spite of us not knowing37200:19:14,260 --> 00:19:19,740what to do or what to say and so forth,that always gives me, gives me hope that37300:19:19,980 --> 00:19:23,510someone other than just the parents arein charge, you know, that the kids sort37400:19:23,510 --> 00:19:26,040of find their way and that sort of thing.37500:19:26,110 --> 00:19:30,690But it's a joy to be able to interreactwith him, but our job is to protect37600:19:30,690 --> 00:19:33,400and, and, and, and help them keep them37700:19:33,400 --> 00:19:33,939Mr Rudy: safe.37800:19:34,980 --> 00:19:40,930And what we, how do you feel about thatwhole statement of, of, of prayer, you37900:19:40,930 --> 00:19:49,090know being a major part of the family andeven when, you know, it was like, because38000:19:49,090 --> 00:19:55,500you keep bringing up God and that is abig part of having a successful child.38100:19:57,405 --> 00:20:00,905Dr. William T Choctaw: It was certainly,and I can only speak about myself, it was38200:20:00,905 --> 00:20:02,525certainly an important part of my life.38300:20:03,055 --> 00:20:06,935You know, now I, you know, I, Iwas, I mentioned about the foster38400:20:06,935 --> 00:20:11,065homes and that's, that's anotherwhole different issue, but I was in.38500:20:11,890 --> 00:20:15,680about three foster homes before Iended up, before I entered college38600:20:16,030 --> 00:20:19,660and each one was a challengefor, for different reasons.38700:20:20,060 --> 00:20:26,730And, and I think what, what, what religionhelped me with or my faith helped me with38800:20:26,730 --> 00:20:30,990and my parents was went to church and,and that was just, just what we did was38900:20:31,330 --> 00:20:33,810it, it, it allowed me at a certain point.39000:20:34,205 --> 00:20:38,285To chart my own path, to developmy own relationship that was39100:20:38,325 --> 00:20:39,765independent of my parents.39200:20:40,065 --> 00:20:42,455And I think that was animportant part of my growth.39300:20:42,755 --> 00:20:47,005And I personally, I'm not talkingabout denomination, I think there's39400:20:47,025 --> 00:20:51,880one God and, and I, you know,Whichever path you want to go through,39500:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,390you, you go through that path.39600:20:53,750 --> 00:20:59,180But I do think, certainly for mepersonally, that recognizing that there39700:20:59,180 --> 00:21:03,450is a supreme being, that recognizingthat we humans are not the end all39800:21:03,450 --> 00:21:05,700to everything sort of gives me hope.39900:21:06,245 --> 00:21:10,305And it's certainly given me hopedoing different stages of my life,40000:21:10,715 --> 00:21:14,795you know, and I want my kids to havethat same opportunity, you know,40100:21:14,835 --> 00:21:19,045how they use it is how they use it,but it was clearly a benefit for me,40200:21:19,335 --> 00:21:21,425you know, I was not the best kid.40300:21:21,425 --> 00:21:24,705I was, you know, I call them angels.40400:21:24,705 --> 00:21:28,195There were a lot of adults andothers who would pull me to the40500:21:28,195 --> 00:21:29,955side and say, what are you doing?40600:21:30,405 --> 00:21:32,635You know, you are, youknow, that sort of thing.40700:21:32,635 --> 00:21:36,075Now it's more difficult to dothat nowadays, you know, because40800:21:36,075 --> 00:21:39,515of the laws and the rules, butstill there are people who will40900:21:39,525 --> 00:21:41,975help you and will help your child.41000:21:41,975 --> 00:21:43,515And there were people who helped me.41100:21:43,765 --> 00:21:46,355And so I think faith isan important part of that.41200:21:47,045 --> 00:21:47,415Mr Rudy: Yes.41300:21:47,960 --> 00:21:48,390Okay.41400:21:50,030 --> 00:21:50,770Oh, man.41500:21:51,140 --> 00:21:56,440What a, what a, I, I'malways so energized.41600:21:57,140 --> 00:22:02,660In our conversations and in ourlast one, which was a month ago.41700:22:03,000 --> 00:22:07,480I'm still buzzing aboutthat last one, this one too.41800:22:07,480 --> 00:22:08,980So, yeah, just.41900:22:09,970 --> 00:22:10,920Fabulous information.42000:22:12,030 --> 00:22:12,190And42100:22:12,190 --> 00:22:14,660Dr. William T Choctaw: it's, and it'sreally why I think and like I said,42200:22:14,660 --> 00:22:16,520we'll have Jesse get in touch with you.42300:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,630Our chief, our production officer.42400:22:18,820 --> 00:22:20,690We can do other things together.42500:22:20,930 --> 00:22:23,810Mr Rudy: Yeah, I, like, even thisone right here would be brilliant42600:22:23,830 --> 00:22:25,130for me to send it out to colleagues.42700:22:25,130 --> 00:22:26,469Yeah, yeah.42800:22:26,469 --> 00:22:27,640And such, so42900:22:27,640 --> 00:22:27,880Dr. William T Choctaw: yeah.43000:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,870And you can chop it up anddo whatever you want to do.43100:22:30,870 --> 00:22:31,964I'll send it out to you.43200:22:31,964 --> 00:22:32,329Mr Rudy: That's fine.43300:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,160Because I believe the synergythat we both have off of each43400:22:37,160 --> 00:22:38,290other, I think is brilliant.43500:22:38,300 --> 00:22:38,720So43600:22:40,020 --> 00:22:42,100Dr. William T Choctaw: you know,that's one of the things I learned43700:22:42,170 --> 00:22:45,920as I was reading and you know, goingthrough my process of trying to43800:22:45,920 --> 00:22:49,480learn and, and, and what they talkabout was just, just be yourself.43900:22:50,150 --> 00:22:55,160And, and it's the value of thatsynergy, as you call it, that that's44000:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,010most beneficial to most people.44100:22:57,070 --> 00:23:01,730Just two people talking, sharingexperiences, you know, and,44200:23:01,730 --> 00:23:03,090and others learn from that.44300:23:03,090 --> 00:23:07,360Just like when I listen to stuff, youknow, I can read a book or whatever,44400:23:07,630 --> 00:23:11,850but I want to hear real world stuff, youknow, and, and, and that, that's what,44500:23:11,900 --> 00:23:14,210what I, I, what, what benefits the most.44600:23:14,210 --> 00:23:15,125Mr Rudy: Yeah.44700:23:15,125 --> 00:23:16,039Brilliant.44800:23:16,620 --> 00:23:16,870Brilliant.44900:23:18,365 --> 00:23:20,785Now did you have anythingwritten down that you wanted me45000:23:21,515 --> 00:23:21,905Dr. William T Choctaw: to know?45100:23:21,945 --> 00:23:24,225No, no, I, I, I completely go with you.45200:23:24,385 --> 00:23:27,625I, you know, is, is, so I'll, I'll letyou, is there anything else you want45300:23:27,625 --> 00:23:30,315to share before we, before we end?45400:23:30,315 --> 00:23:33,921And I, I appreciate you being sopatient with us again to do this.45500:23:33,921 --> 00:23:34,045No,45600:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,595Mr Rudy: no, no, this has been fantastic.45700:23:35,595 --> 00:23:39,935I think the, the only thing, and thisjust came to me right now is that I,45800:23:39,985 --> 00:23:43,785I would like to, for your audience, Idon't know if it's a faith based audience45900:23:43,785 --> 00:23:47,975or it's a mix of both, but especiallysince we're talking about faith in any46000:23:47,985 --> 00:23:53,785denomination that there is God is, isto be able to say to your audience that,46100:23:54,415 --> 00:23:59,565you know, if call this a prayer, butI'd, I'd like to ask, I'd like to push46200:24:00,095 --> 00:24:04,795to, to say that may, may blessings comeupon you may what we're talking about.46300:24:05,655 --> 00:24:13,725Enlighten you and, and that But I praythat that this helps somebody who is46400:24:13,725 --> 00:24:18,304either confused or depressed or evensuicidal think like, yeah, you know what?46500:24:18,305 --> 00:24:19,615I can pull myself out of that.46600:24:19,645 --> 00:24:24,845I'll now diligence to, to find outtechniques because there are techniques46700:24:25,175 --> 00:24:26,555for yourself out of depression.46800:24:26,575 --> 00:24:26,805Yes.46900:24:27,565 --> 00:24:27,795Yes.47000:24:29,185 --> 00:24:33,055And to be that responsible to, topull themselves out, you know, I pray47100:24:33,055 --> 00:24:38,585this for your audience in, in, inconcluding our our podcast that That47200:24:38,595 --> 00:24:40,005everybody gets that and something.47300:24:40,005 --> 00:24:44,175And if you do, then, and if you're,you're feeling it, then spread the word47400:24:44,175 --> 00:24:46,875and, and with other friends and people.47500:24:47,695 --> 00:24:48,745And to that, I say, amen.47600:24:49,595 --> 00:24:49,975Dr. William T Choctaw: Amen.47700:24:50,315 --> 00:24:51,505I, I say amen also.47800:24:51,505 --> 00:24:54,315I think, I think that'scompletely appropriate and good.47900:24:54,315 --> 00:24:55,555I think, I think.48000:24:56,480 --> 00:25:00,080One of the things of leadershipis to share with others what's48100:25:00,100 --> 00:25:01,600gotten you to where you are.48200:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,450And then they can judge, you know,they can agree or disagree or whatever.48300:25:05,730 --> 00:25:11,560But as always, we thank you for your timeand we thank you for your words of wisdom.48400:25:11,950 --> 00:25:14,340And with that you have,you have a blessed day.48500:25:14,920 --> 00:25:15,420Likewise.48600:25:15,820 --> 00:25:18,090Mr Jesse L Hammonds: Thank you forlistening to this episode of the healthy,48700:25:18,090 --> 00:25:20,440wealthy, and wise podcast with Dr.48800:25:20,480 --> 00:25:21,110William T.48900:25:21,120 --> 00:25:23,250Choctaw, MD, JD.49000:25:23,690 --> 00:25:27,200Be sure to check out other greatepisodes covering areas of health,49100:25:27,460 --> 00:25:31,790wealth, and wisdom at thwwp.49200:25:31,790 --> 00:25:32,060com.49300:25:32,570 --> 00:25:36,170And while you're there, be sure tocheck out the books, blogs, and other49400:25:36,170 --> 00:25:38,310literature in your preferred format.49500:25:38,710 --> 00:25:41,350And don't forget to leavea review, subscribe.49600:25:41,780 --> 00:25:42,230Share49700:25:42,410 --> 00:25:43,130Dr. William T Choctaw: and support the49800:25:43,130 --> 00:25:43,940Mr Jesse L Hammonds: podcast.49900:25:44,210 --> 00:25:47,660That's at t wwp com.50000:25:47,990 --> 00:25:53,450You've been listening to the Healthy,wealthy and Wise Podcast with CHOC m.